I love this face. Over Spring Break, I have found joy in waking up every morning to the big, goofy smile of baby John.
I get a kick out of his silly smile. My heart warms when I hold his tiny body in my arms.
Although I loved them with all my heart, I didn’t feel that way with the other three when they were babies. Maybe it’s because I was young when Logan was born and terrified of the responsibility of single motherhood. Most likely I just don’t remember what it was like when he was a newborn, since it was 12 years ago. The first 4 months with the twins was a total blur, so I know I must have cherished their newborn-ness. I have Facebook pics that show me I did cherish them. But I don’t remember what the older 3 were like as babies.
I’ve had some dark times in the past year. Maybe finally pulling out of that darkness has given me a renewed sense of fulfillment in being a mommy. I see each special quality in my little ones. It’s as if the things that make them unique are more noticeable to me than ever before. Emily has a cute little dimple in one cheek and she is always trying to be silly. Madeline is easy-going, quick to learn new things, and she makes this deep frowny face when she’s concerned. Logan is intelligent, independent, and loves music and joking around. He is also an amazing big brother because he is very sensitive towards the needs of his younger siblings.
I have a heart for children, so we may find ourselves fostering or adopting in the future. For now I am relishing in every sweet laugh, every drooly hug, every cuddly morning. And I thank God that he’s helped me to see the beauty in each child. I know I probably sound like a rotten mother saying that. Sometimes life is just so hectic that the days blow by and you don’t even realize it until you look around and your children are grown up.
Just don’t grow up too fast, baby.