This Christmas season I am really missing my Grandma Dee.
I actually don’t even remember last Christmas. Not a thing about it. I had 3-month-old twins and was facing the eminent doom of, as soon as the holidays were over, returning to a job that made me absolutely miserable. I think it’s safe to say I *might* have been struggling with a case of postpartum depression. Since last Christmas went by in a crazed, sleep-deprived blur, this feels like the first Christmas without Grandma Dee. She had lived a healthy and active life, and 2 years ago was taken to be with the Lord after a short but brave battle with lung cancer.
She left so many legacies behind. Dee had a spunky personality, somehow getting away with saying things that should have caused offense. She was always dressed in something classy, but yet she was a frugal and careful shopper. She had a flair for simple, tasteful decor in her home that I only wish I could emulate.
And, man, do I miss her house. It was the gathering place for the whole family every summer. All the cousins would and spend long days leaping in and out of her pool, drowsily cramming into bunk beds at night or sleeping laid out on the living room floor. Then the next day we would start all over again with the pool. Her home is where half of my childhood memories were formed. Last Sunday at church we sang “Away in a Manger” and I had a sudden flashback to my 9-year-old self, sitting at Grandma Dee’s piano and finger-pecking the notes to the classic carol. Ironically, we never spent Christmas with her. Even so, this Christmas season I am missing her tremendously.
The emotion is purely selfish. Its not like I wish she was here so I could introduce her to my twins. I don’t want a present with Grandma Dee’s name on the tag. I just want her back. I want her here with me so we can talk together one more time. My teenage years were not my best. With regret, I now see how full of myself I was as a teen and how much precious time I wasted on being ‘cool’, when I could have been making memories with loved ones.
I don’t want to dwell on the sadness of her passing, so instead I’ll just shed a few tears and focus on the influence she has had on me. I know I’ll see her again. And when I do, I want to tell her about how I listen to gospel music in the morning, just like she did.
