My husband started going to college when the twins were babies, and after 5 years of studies he’s {finally} almost done with school! Having a spouse in college can be rough, so today I’d like to share some encouragement to families who are also going through hard times. If you are a woman and your family is going through a stressful or difficult time, here are some important things to remember if you want to stay happily married.
It’s hard on everyone
There are days when it feels like you’re the only one struggling. In some cases, it feels like you’re bearing the burden on your own and you’re handling it just fine (whether or not that’s true is a whole other story). At other moments it’s like the whole world is heaped on your shoulders as a burden for you alone to carry. In either situation, this is totally false. You, your husband, and your kids are all carrying this weight together.
It will all be worth it in the long-run
I’m not proud to admit that there were numerous times that I nagged at John to quit. Especially around midterms when we’re all feeling the stress of his classes, there’s nothing I want more than to for us all give up this crazy plan and get back to a ‘normal’ life. However, the whole reason John started school (at my prodding, I might add. Yes, I am a nagging wife but at least I have good intentions!) was to give our family better opportunities. One day I know we’ll be thankful that we persevered in our marriage during this short difficult time.
Finishing strong sets a good example for your children
I want my kids to go to college, but I also want them to grow up with the confidence that they can achieve their goals just like Mommy and Daddy did. Want kids who value hard work, love, and dedication? Show then what that looks like in your own life.
The hard times are only temporary
I finished college as a single mom so I know how challenging going to school with kids can be. Back then I had a lot of help from my parents. If you find yourself being offered help, take it! Now that I’m married with 4 kids, John and I are on our own. We rely on each other and give each other a lot of grace. It definitely helps to know that this will all be over soon!
Quitting is not an option
Together, you both can do this. I don’t talk about it often but our lifestyle is pretty crappy. We’ve been in a crummy apartment for over a decade. We drive a hand-me-down car. Although I have a full-time teaching job, it’s not enough to support 6 people so we shop at thrift stores, canned food outlets, and don’t take vacations. Our kids are in State-funded preschools for low-income families and we want so badly to provide a better life for our kids. My life is exponentially better as a teacher than it was when I was working two jobs just to make ends meet. Quitting school would make our current reality into a permanent one, all because it got hard for a bit. And how much would we regret giving up on school? So we will not can not quit.
Have fun as a family – often!
You know all those stories about how crazy broke people are when they’re in college? In our experience they’re right on the money (pun intended 😉 )! We don’t travel, partly because of the expense but mostly because you can’t take vacation days from college. So we have fun locally. We make a big deal about going to the pumpkin patch in October. We explore hiking trails nearby and hang out with friends. Whenever possible, we hang out as a family because our family is the whole reason for the crazy busy life we’re in while my husband is in college.
Be kind to one another
Remember to continue to being happily married is being compassionate and loving to one another, even when it doesn’t feel like the other person knows what you’re going through. It’s got to be a team effort or it’s not going to work out well for you all. And chances are, they’re dealing with burdens that you’re not even aware of.
I am so thankful to report that we are more than halfway through John’s final semester at college. Friends, it’s been a long journey. I never thought I’d see the end that is just peeking over our horizon, but sure enough there it is! Some days I can almost feel the relief. I hope to come back to this post in a few months and be blown away at how we all pulled together to get John through school. And I also hope that you find some validation for what you’re feeling. No one would argue that this is easy. But it is so very worth it.
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