Life With Twins

10 Lessons I Learned from my Toddler Twins

At times they will drive you crazy. But raising toddler twins isn’t all tantrums and food fights. They are also the most lovable, most adorable pudgy-cheeked little people at times. They will drive you bonkers, but you will treasure them and never want them to grow up.

10 lessons I learned from my toddler twins

Having toddler twins will make errands just that much more of a challenge. Because unless all stores have double shopping carts (which they don’t), both will want to ride in the front part of the cart. Or one will want to ride until you put her in the seat, and then she’ll want out and her sister will refuse to get in. What will most likely be the case is the store you go to won’t have carts and you will spend your shopping trip chasing after two tiny hoodlums and praying that they stay together.

toddler twins on errands — Apparently we’re staying here.

Everywhere you go people will be admiring your adorable little ones and stopping to talk to them. These strangers have no idea that just a few minutes ago one of your twins was trying to yank all the balls out of one of those big ball pens in the middle of the aisle and her sister was sobbing because you won’t buy her Elsa stickers. All they see is an angelic, cute little toddler — and another one just like her!

Unreasonable mealtime arguments are multiplied:

Mommy: “Here are your sandwiches.”
Twin A: “I want the BLUE plate!”
Mommy: “You wanted purple yesterday. Your sandwich is on the purple plate.”
Twin A: “BLUE!”
Mommy: “You already have purple. The blue one is dirty. You get purple. See? Purple is pretty!”
Twin A: (smiling) “Pretty purple!”
Mommy starts to sit down with her lunch.
Twin B: “I want a fork!”
Mommy: Sigh “You don’t need a fork. It’s a sandwich.”
Twin B: “FORK!!!”

They will also be the best of friends, even at the table. There’s not much that can compete with the endearing mealtime conversation between two toddlers. The best part about their little dinner discussions is that, while most of your friends have no idea what they’re saying, Mommy and Daddy do.

Having two of everything is not always enough. You can have a thousand Thomas the Tank Engines and one twin will need them all. So will her sister.

They won’t hesitate to take care of one another. They will stick up for their sibling as if our country’s freedom depended upon it. Don’t mess with a twin who wants to go down the slide that is “yours”. Her sister will bring justice to the playground.

You will provide them with creative play toys, like blocks or train sets. They will beg you to create something for them. Then they will instantly team up against you to destroy it and want you to make another one.

Twins come with a built-in companion to play invented games with. By the time they are toddlers, they will occasionally entertain themselves in games with rules that only they understand.

They will watch Yo Gabba Gabba over and over. And those dorky bands who sing hippy tunes about washing your hands will be stuck in your head the rest of the day.

Bonus: The same songs will get stuck in their heads and you will be blessed with the audio of such toddler classics like “The Bisty Bisty Spidow” in stereo.

Raising toddler twins isn't all tantrums and food fights. They will make you bonkers, drive you crazy, but you will treasure them always.

Getting Twins on a Schedule

It was so important to me to get my twins on a schedule. I wanted to be able to dictate when they slept and ate, thinking it would give me more freedom. This vlog tells how getting twins on a schedule went down for us.

Terrified of Having Twins? 18 Pieces of Advice from a Mom Who has Been There

When I was expecting twins, I had no idea what I was in for. Then they came and it seemed that each day was a new learning experience. As I muddled through those first few crazy months, I made some big discoveries about parenting and about myself.

What I’ve learned about raising twins

There will be easy days and there will be hard days. How you respond to them makes all the difference.
People are going to ask you what you want for baby showers and the like. Ask for gifts of meals, help around the house or with holding babies so you can sleep/shower, and diapers. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Get ready-early! Pack your hospital bag, purchase and install your carseats, and buy preemie clothes just in case. Chances are that you will bring your babies home from the hospital and they will be swimming in their newborn layette.
Focus your energy on caring for your newborns and don’t stress the other stuff. Be flexible. Forget the housework!
You don’t need 2 of everything at first. You can get by with 2 similar things, like a bouncer and a swing. But by the time you have 2 toddlers, yes, you’re going to need 2 of everything. And they need to be exactly the same.
Find a way to get some time to yourself. Get out of the house if you can get someone to come over and hold babies for a while. Personally, I wake up an hour before the rest of the family. Those quiet moments have been a lifesaver.
It gets easier. Each stage has its ups and downs. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Meanwhile, in between those difficult times are moments of sweet sibling interaction that will melt your heart. Remember these moments when they are tearing at each other’s hair and you are ready to trade them in for a used PT Cruiser.
You can breastfeed them both. Get support from the lactation consultant while you are in the hospital, be patient, and check out the YouTube videos and blogs of moms who have done it before you.
Know that you will feel overwhelmed. It comes with the territory.
Get them on the same schedule. And by this I don’t mean an hourly feeding and sleeping schedule that your life has to revolve around. Simply feed them at the same time, put them to sleep at the same time, bathe and change them at the same time, and when one wakes up to eat-wake up the other one, too.
Twins are expensive. Accept hand-me-downs! If someone offers you clothing or used baby gear-take it!
Relax. Stay calm. It’s ok if they cry. It’s ok to lay them down in their crib for a few minutes while you take some deep breaths and regroup.
You just won’t sleep for the first few months. But no matter how bad it seems, you will get through it. You will sleep again, and soon those long sleepless nights will be nothing more than a distant memory.
Your sanity and the health and happiness of your babies/other children/spouse are your biggest concern. Not the toppling-over pile of laundry or the dust on the bookshelf. It’s ok to ask for help-and if it’s offered, you should take it!
You’re going to be a celebrity around town. Twins get lots of attention in public, especially if they are identical. And everyone has a twin story that they want to share with you.
Raising children is hard, whether it’s twins or a singleton, three children or eight children. Every baby is different. Parenting is an adventure, and very few parents feel that they are doing everything “right”.
Get hooked up with other twin parents. Connecting with the National Mothers of Twins Club is a great place to start. I highly recommend joining your local parents of twins club. The support, encouragement, and advice these parents offer is invaluable.
Spend time with each twin individually. Some of my favorite moments are the snuggles and story time that I get with just one child.

Losing the Potty Training Battle

Potty training twins is not going so well. The girls are not open to sitting on the potty, even for fun.

This is not a happy face

Emily throws a fit whenever you take off her diaper. They don’t talk enough to let us know when they have to go, and I doubt they even know themselves when they need to go! They can’t pull up/down their training pants on their own. Mommy and Daddy are gone during the day, so the girls are with a sitter Monday-Thursday. And we have a new baby coming sooner than we’re ready for.

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and start over. As much as I did NOT want to have 3 children in diapers, I don’t think the twins can be rushed into potty training. We’re going to have to call it quits for now. Phooey.

Twin Talk and a Little Taylor Swift

The twins are finally starting to talk more! I was worried that they’d chat my ears off as soon as they started developing some language, but so far we’re all enjoying the little things they have to say. As of now, they ramble in baby talk for a few ‘words’, and finish up their ‘sentence’ with the thing they are trying to communicate. Like this: “blah, blah, blah, shoe”. They use a few 2-word sentences like Bye, Mama and “No Ni-Nite”. They are NOT fond of bed time.

Madeline is more chatty than Emily, although she doesn’t always make a lot of sense. She probably will be the one to talk my ear off before long. She says “Hi” to just about everyone we pass when we go out. She learned to say “Sorry” (pronounced sawwy), but she doesn’t always apply it at the right times. Any time you bump into her or you bump yourself on a piece of furniture or something, she immediately calls out, “Sawwy!”. I guess she’s used to hearing people apologize for bonking into someone, and thinks that’s just what everyone says, all the time. She’s also really good at saying thank you. It’s adorable in her little munchkin voice. At least she’s learned manners!

Emily is quieter, more soft-spoken, and tends to keep to herself more. And she’s obsessed with Frozen. She calls it “Let it Go” (actually, it’s more like Yeh-Go”), and several times a day she points at the TV and demands we put on the movie: “Yeh-Go! Yeh-Go!”. A few times I played the “Let it Go” song on Youtube using my cell phone, and now Emily hands me my phone and asks to see “Yeh-Go” there, too. It never bothers us because she doesn’t throw a tantrum when we tell her no, and she is so darn cute when she sings along with the movie. The other word Emily uses often is “yellow”. She’s learned the color name yellow (lellow, of course) and calls every color “yellow”. She also knows “T”, which she points out whenever she sees a word or number, and then Mommy tells her, “that’s not T, but it’s a letter (or number). This letter/number is ____.” I don’t know how much of it makes any sense to her, but I love having conversations with my little ones on any topic.

Then there’s the oldest. I realized that I don’t mention him much on here. He’s just such a busy kid, it’s hard to keep up with him. Last winter he was in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, put on through the school. After that he started taking an interest in music and singing. I want to encourage anything that builds his confidence, so I don’t mind him listening to kid-friendly pop music. Lately, his favorite singer has been Taylor Swift. This, honestly, I find hilarious. Coming from a kid who is rather big for his age, is totally into football and playing “Nerf wars” with his friends in the neighborhood, it’s a little unexpected to hear him in his room singing along to teeny-bopper girly songs. But it could be worse! He could want to listen to gangsta rap, which I won’t let him do, and then we’d both be unhappy. Thank you, Taylor Swift, for being so popular and keeping my ‘tween from listening to Lil Wayne.

I have to close with his favorite T-Swift song: We Are Never Getting Back Together.

A Precious Moment with the Twins

The twins are going through a tough phase. They are struggling with a sense of what is “normal”. Being shifted from daycare where they are spoonfed at meals and babied more than toddlers should be, to home where Mommy asks them to hand her things and “help” put things away is a hard transition for them. Because of their daycare schedule, their naptimes have gotten irregular or skipped altogether.

I think that’s why lately Emily has been really whiny and Madeline has been bratty to Emily.

But every now and then they get along, no one’s throwing a tantrum, and life is amazing.

Like this moment.

They look so old here, so different from the frail babies they once were.

I have to remind myself sometimes that they are working hard at growing and learning, just like Mommy is working hard at being a teacher. Sometimes it’s just not easy being a toddler.

Check Us Out, We’re Two!

I can’t believe that just a year ago I was going nuts trying to make the best 1-year party I could.

This year? Not so much.

I’m not sure if I have my third trimester exhaustion to blame or what, but I had no desire to make a big deal out of this year’s birthday. Sorry, girlies. Momma will do better next year.

Here’s what we did to celebrate:

Ate a family dinner at home.

Got a new outdoor toy. I’m not showing you ours because it’s on our itty bitty apartment patio surrounded by bags of recycling, a grill, a large, orange, half-deflated kiddie pool, and way too many pots of dead plants.

Via Toys R Us

Had pink and purple homemade-from-the-box birthday cake.

Got some toddler-sized brooms, a new baby doll, and pretty Mega Blocks. I feel kind of guilty giving cleaning supplies as a gift, but really they love trying to sweep with our broom and I can’t stand them knocking everything over with it and fighting over the one broom.

Rode our new trikes from Aunt and Uncle (thank you!).

We would’ve loved to have family and friends over to celebrate, but our apartment is pretty small. So it was just the 5 of us this year, and none of the adorable decorations from their first birthday. Still, I think it’s not too shabby for a second birthday, don’t you?

How Do You Tell Twins Apart?

At the school where I teach, there are the most adorable set of identical twin boys. They haven’t been in my class, so I don’t know them very well, but I see them almost every day at dismissal as they are waiting for their mom. I’ve spent a (probably unnecessarily) long time trying to study their faces in hopes of being able to figure out who is who. I’m sure their mom can tell in an instant which one of the twins is Joey and which is Jimmy, but for anyone not in their immediate family this seems like an impossible thing to know.

Which makes me really sympathize for people who can’t tell my fraternal twins apart.

It’s just amazing to me that two people can look so much alike but are really as different as night and day. People will tell you to paint their toenails different colors or put an elastic band on their wrist so you don’t get them confused, but you won’t need any of those things. Whether you decide to dress them alike or not you will always know who is who.

So how do you tell twins apart?

There is no specific rule to follow when it comes to telling twins apart. You’ll recognize them by their newborn cry, the shape of their nose, by the position they’re in as they sleep. You’ll easily notice differences in their walk or their voice or the way they smile. With your own twins, you learn pretty early on how to tell them apart. And if they aren’t yours, you’ll learn their differences soon enough.

While we were still in the hospital in the hospital the medical bands placed on the girls when they were born helped us keep them straight. But, honestly, as soon as we got home we didn’t need those bands anymore. We could tell them apart by looking at the shape of Emily’s lips or of Madeline’s face. We got their ears pierced as soon as we could, which helped our relatives to know who is who by the color of their earrings.

But our twins, like all other children, are so much more different than simply having pink or purple earrings.

Emily wants to sit with you and be held on your lap for hours on end. There is a stubborn streak to her, especially if you want her to do something that she doesn’t want to do. And she is often content just playing by herself. Madeline is the adventurous one. She thinks nothing of leaping off of the couch or into the pool, regardless if there is someone there to catch her. She keeps tabs on Emily, calling for her when she’s not nearby. And, even though I try often, she is just not a cuddler. She is happy sitting next to me, but needs to be free to run off and play at a moment’s notice. Emily likes to go down the slide, while Madeline prefers the swings. Emily won’t walk on sand, but Madeline isn’t bothered by it. Emily is shy around new people, meanwhile Madeline says hi to anyone who looks her way. I could go on and on…

People always ask me how I tell them apart, and I’m not very good with my words so I never know what to say. Usually I look down and find some clothing difference like “Her shoe has a scratch on the toe” or “She’s wearing a red clip”, because I know that they just want some way that they can use to differentiate the girls. They want to be able to relate to the twins, and appreciate that kindness. I don’t get offended when people can’t tell my girls apart since they don’t know my girls like I do. As special as my twins are to me, I don’t ever want to make someone feel awkward. So I treasure up their unique little differences in my heart and beam with pride when people ask, “How do you tell them apart?” because I can’t wait to share how each one is wonderful in her own way.

We Survived Another Road Trip With Twins!

Folks, I am happy to say that we have now driven 2 looooooooong road trips with twins in the same year and have lived to tell the tale.

Back in November when the girls were just over 1 year old we traveled from our home in San Diego my father-in-law’s house which is at basically the northernmost tip of California. We loaded the minivan with snacks, toys, 2 Pack ‘n Plays, winter coats that had to be dug out of storage, and hit the road for a 13-hour road trip with twins. We spread the drive out over two days and it was pretty manageable for our little ones.

Last week we had a great trip with the twins and their big brother. From San Diego, we drove for what felt like a zillion miles up the I-15, past Las Vegas, through hours and hours of desert, and finally arrived at my family’s home just north of Salt Lake City, Utah. The drive took us across 3 states, but was shorter by 2 hours (going by Google Maps) than our Thanksgiving route to Modoc County, CA. It took us much longer than that, but we stopped often to change a diaper, let Momma pee, or give the girls a chance to stretch their legs.

Some of the highlights were:

Staying in a hotel-what a treat!

My Aunt’s beautiful garden. This is a picture of the girls sitting near her “Fairy Garden”, which resembles Pixie Hollow. If you don’t know what Pixie Hollow is you probably a) don’t have a young girl in the home or b) watch grown-up TV shows (lucky!).

Lots of boy-cousin activity. Logan spent 3 days deeply involved in various Nerf battles.

Gorgeous scenery from the road (in Utah. I’m not so much a fan of the Nevada and California desert scenes).

The girls weren’t too excited to pose for a pic after 7 hours in the car

We took a little detour and visited Zion National Park. There we went through the famous tunnel entrance and checked out the massive and beautiful rock formations.

And of course, the whole point of the trip was to see my Grandma for her 90^th birthday and to see my cousin get married. Both events were incredible, thanks to the efforts of my Aunt and cousins.

We’re Big Girls Now! Weaning the Twins from Pacifiers

It was time. My husband and I had talked about it for a while, but when we heard the pediatrician’s offhanded comment, “You should really think about taking those things away”, we figured the time was now. I had my reasons:

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents consider weaning their baby from a pacifier after one year (and our girls were past that age).
I was starting to get embarrassed by the fact that all of our Instagram and Facebook photos looked like this:

In my mind, the pacifiers were preventing the world from seeing my pretty babies’ faces like a small pediatric face mask. See also Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

I scoured the internet for suggestions on how to make the process as painless as possible. I found some ideas I liked and others that didn’t work for me. Some were just plain mean-like dipping pacifiers in hot sauce! Others, like the The “cold turkey” method had seemed too harsh for me right off the bat. The girls were so hooked on their pacifiers that they would cry for them, as if not having a pacifier was causing them unbearable pain. In the end, this is how we ended up weaning our twins from pacifiers:

First, we cut back on the pacifiers so that they were only used for car trips and bed times. At 15 months old, our twins still weren’t great at entertaining themselves in the car. They also needed their pacifiers to get themselves to sleep. If it came out of their mouth during the night they would wake up whimpering for their lost binky. I could only imagine the unending crying that would ensue if we took the night time pacifier away completely. In a few days we stopped bringing pacifiers on car trips. At that point, the girls were only given pacifiers as they were laid down in their cribs. When a baby was removed from her crib, the pacifier was removed from the baby. Bing, bang, boom.

After a few weeks we went cold turkey and stopped offering pacifiers at bed times. In the evenings, the girls would fall asleep rather quickly. Nap time turned out to be a bit more difficult. The girls hadn’t developed any other soothing skills than the pacifier. With kids playing outside their window and other midday distractions, they flat-out couldn’t get to sleep without a pacifier. We went 3 days without naps. Meanwhile, in a panic that my toddlers would never nap again, I tried to come up with a scheme to help them soothe.

To help them learn to calm down at nap and bed time, we encouraged a relationship with a different comfort object. Madeline had already gotten attached to a raggedy, hand-me-down bear, which became her nighttime buddy. Emily, who is more social-emotional, easily became attached to a soft stuffed puppy. I spent many evenings after work snuggling a baby and her stuffed animal to help them associate the animal with comfort. I’m no expert, but it worked!

Now, when Mommy or Daddy reach for a baby and her accompanying comfort item at mid-afternoon and evening, she knows it is time for bed. This new routine has helped the girls to transfer their attachment and to sleep well without the help of pacifiers. And the best thing is that, unlike the pacifiers, the girls don’t insist on taking their stuffed animal everywhere they go.

While everyone’s method of weaning from pacifiers is different, this worked well for our family. Thankfully, we all survived the process. I now have girls who show their whole goofy grins in photos and sleep well without a pacifier!

When did your baby stop using a pacifier?

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