A Bit of Honesty

There are times in life when it just feels like the world’s against you.

Even though you have friends and loved ones who are on your side, they can’t take the burden away from you.  The people you treasure the most can’t do enough to free you from your pain.

When arrows are flying at your heart and you are defenseless against your attackers, what can you do to keep from falling apart on the inside?

I’m currently in the midst of one of those trials. People tell me to stand with confidence, ignore the petty gossip, don’t let your feelings show. But… That’s just not me. I’m quite transparent, there’s no way I can just laugh it off when people insult me on an almost daily basis.

I just want to know WHY~

Why is this happening to me? Is it a chance to change my life? If so, I’m ready to move 100 miles away from my enemies. Is it a chance to change who I am? I’d rather not. I’m ok with not being strong enough to take abuse.

I know that this pain is temporary. I know that I am surrounded by supportive and loving people.

All I can do is to keep moving forward, taking the wise advice of those who have my best interest in mind. Although I want to retaliate with all the malice that’s being directed at me, I know it’s not my place to get revenge. I’m doing everything in my power to appease the beasts, but they have no intention of being appeased.

I know how David was feeling when he wrote

Psalm 64 (NIV)

¹ Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint;
    protect my life from the threat of the enemy.

² Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,
    from the plots of evildoers.
³ They sharpen their tongues like swords
    and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.
⁴ They shoot from ambush at the innocent;
    they shoot suddenly, without fear.

⁵ They encourage each other in evil plans,
    they talk about hiding their snares;
    they say, “Who will see it?”
⁶ They plot injustice and say,
    “We have devised a perfect plan!”
    Surely the human mind and heart are cunning.

⁷ But God will shoot them with his arrows;
    they will suddenly be struck down.
⁸ He will turn their own tongues against them
    and bring them to ruin;
    all who see them will shake their heads in scorn.

And there is my hope: That justice lies in God’s hands, and he can do far more damage than I can.

If you’re the praying type, I would appreciate you saying a short prayer for me. I don’t know what I’ve done or who I’ve offended, but I am being most painfully and unceasingly harassed. I wish that I could win over my enemies. That they could see that I am not the person they accuse me to be. And who knows? Maybe it’s not my heart that God is trying to change. Maybe it’s theirs…